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Hurricane Homo: More Than Just
Hot Air
Report for July 25, 2003
This article by a tax-funded university professor
is not so much a good example of homo-fascism as it is a good example of
the confidence of Sodom, Gomorrah, et al. That is why we are sharing it
with you. A confident fascist is a dangerous fascist. We must pray that
the Lord's people regain confidence in His Word and the promises therein.
If ever there was a time to pray fervently, as well as to publicly preach
and defend God's Word, it is now. Feel free to contact WCU
for advice and help.
Hurricane Homo
The Good Times, July 24, 2003
http://www.gdtimes.com/
By Patrick Letellier
Brace yourself America: Hurricane Homo is headed this way and there ain't
no stopping it. Like it or not, this country is about to get a whole lot
gay, gay, gayer, and all I can say is: "Yeeha, it's about time!"
After two years of being told by the Bushies to shut up, eat another Happy
Meal, drive a flag-plastered SUV and cheer while the bombs drop, a deluge
of sequined, feather-boa queerness will be a welcome relief.
And let's not pussyfoot around: a hurricane it is. After the big "C'ya!"
to sodomy laws, courtesy of Justice Kennedy and the Supremes, gay marriage
is charging down from Canada like the Horseman of the Apocalypse (say the
screechy conservatives), potty-mouthed Michael Savage got his gay-bashing
butt kicked off TV, and the queer "Fab Five" made their
over-the-top debut, there ain't no doubt about it: Hallelujah, it's
raining queers.
Don't know what the heck I'm talking about? Here's a Hurricane Homo
weather chart.
First - in case you've been lost at sea for the past month and haven't
heard - in a wildly pro-gay decision, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down
the nation's sodomy laws, laws that made gettin' your groove on with your
partner a crime for gays in 13 states.
The government should stay the heck out of people's bedrooms, Justice
Kennedy wrote, and about gays and lesbians he made this radical
declaration: "The state cannot demean their existence or control
their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime."
Not demean our existence?! Hot damn, you can say that again. That means
laws against gay marriage, gays in the military, and every other decree to
keep them darned homos out are next on the chopping block. No wonder
uptight conservatives are shaking in their wingtips, poor dears.
Sorry, but after a lifetime of being told by conservative creeps that gays
suck, deserve AIDS, and are criminals, sinners, child molesters, and
biological errors that need Jesus, I'm all about petty revenge. Who am I
kidding? I'm not sorry at all. Take that, feverish right-wingers: Your own
Republican-dominated Supreme Court kicked your sorry a**es to the curb.
Meanwhile, in a ruling that should make all of us stop thinking of our
neighbor to the north as Bland-ada, Canada legalized same-sex marriage.
Yep, while in the "land of the free" we cheered because we can
no longer be arrested for making love, Canada left us in the dust and
blessed homo-nuptials with the same rights granted straight couples.
Like the flying monkeys of the Wizard of Oz, queers from all over the U.S.
are now descending on Canada to tie their knots, and will soon return to
sue the pants off American institutions that refuse to recognize their
marriages. Come back, my pretties, and sue! sue! sue!
But, oh, what a difference a border makes. Back here in the good ol'
"You're either wid' us or agin' us" U.S.A., Republicans rushed
to "protect traditional marriage" by endorsing a Constitutional
amendment to prevent us marriage-license-seekin' queer freaks from walking
down any aisles in this country.
Protect marriage? Puhlease. With a 50 percent divorce rate, rampant
domestic violence, Las Vegas drive-through chapels, and I wanna-marry-a-really-rich-guy
reality TV shows, there's no way gays could trash marriage the way
straight people have. Honestly, after all straights have done, it's
amazing homos want to play the newlywed game at all (well, aside from the
gazillion civil rights and automatic respect married couples get.)
But Republican hand-wringers are right about one thing: gay marriage is
a-coming fast, and not just from Canada. Thanks to a case in front of the
Massachusetts Supreme Court, it may already be legal here by the time you
read this. Get ready for a bride-bride, groom-groom media frenzy,
fierce squawking from "Deliver Us From Sodom" religious
crybabies, and George W., on cue, mumbling incoherently.
And that Constitutional amendment? Don't worry, changing the Constitution
is much, much harder than, say, lying to the American public about
non-existent weapons of mass destruction and spending hundreds of billions
of dollars on the most protested war in history. Even our current band of
moralizing, puffed-up, blowhard Republicans won't be able to pull it off.
In other blowhard news, Michael Savage was booted off TV last week; his
new show cancelled after a typical homophobic rant. Savage is a widely
syndicated radio shock-jock, author of a national best-seller, and all
around arch-conservative, immigrant-, women-, and gay-bashing menace.
To a gay caller on his new show he said: "Oh, you're one of the
sodomites. You should only get AIDS and die, you pig. How's that? Why
don't you see if you can sue me, you pig. You got nothing better than to
put me down, you piece of garbage. You have got nothing to do today, go
eat a sausage and choke on it."
What's notable is not that Savage spewed anti-gay venom, but that he, too,
got his butt soundly kicked and his show cancelled. Bashing gays, it
seems, is not as fashionable today as it has been for Savage's
counterparts, the ludicrously self-righteous Dr. Laura or the man who put
the wind back in windbag, Rush Limbaugh. A big, Santa Cruz, "Later,
dude," to Savage and the sodomy laws he rode in on.
Finally, among an impressive line-up of new queer shows, we come to
Bravo's reality-TV, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," in which
five trendy gay guys, the Fab Five, remake real-life straight men into,
well, better straight men. (That can't be difficult, say the cynics among
you.) Nonsense. You'd be amazed at how hard and how funny remodeling wanna-be-hip
heterosexual men can be.
While it's just a TV show, inasmuch as television both leads and follows
culture, Queer Eye represents radical new ways of relating for straight
and gay men. And for that alone, it's welcome.
From legalized whoopie, to homo weddings, to a TV gay-basher replaced by
happy, ultra-gay men, the queer storm has begun. And now, borrowing from
the old Weather Girl's hit, I recommend you go and let yourself get
absolutely soaking wet.
Patrick Letellier is a freelance journalist who teaches Gay, Lesbian,
Bisexual and Transgender Politics and Culture at the University of
California, Santa Cruz. Reach him at PatrickGL@aol.com.
Homo-Fascism
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